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Book of The Great Bear – My personal thoughts and developments toward the Shadow Aspect Philosophy (wordpress.com)

I took the Riso-Hudson Type Attitude Sorter (TAS) for the Type 5 Enneagram, and unsurprisingly I scored overwhelmingly as a Type 5. None of you have been following my Enneagram journey recently, and I feel like I should update you on how I got to where I am now.

I first began thinking about the Enneagram personality system in 2016 when I picked up a book called The Wisdom of the Enneagram. It is by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, two scholars of modern Enneagram theory. The reason I picked it up was directly in response to my explorations into the esoteric and spiritual. Since 2004, I have been interested in spirituality. 

The whole story began when I was 12 years old, a precocious rebel looking to find self-empowerment. I saw a play at my local theater where the autistic 14 year-old engaged in—what he called—religion shopping. He would come in every scene proclaiming to practice some different religion—often for comedic effect, but it was endearing as well. That formative experience inspired me to examine my relationship with God in my own life. I had been questioning why God would exist but not empower those who believed in him. Why did bad things happen to good people? Why weren’t the good disciples rewarded? 

Around this time, I was going through the religious education program at my church called Confirmation. At the end of it, we were to be oathed to the church and God forever. So, I was in a period where I was thinking critically about God, religion, and what it all meant. 

This just so happened to coincide with the release of Revenge of the Sith, the third episode of Star Wars and the culmination of the prequel trilogy, which dominated my impressionable pre-pubescent years. I was torn in a few directions, but the path that I wanted as a newly minted teen ended in power. Self-control. The ability to alter the world at whim. And the brightest spot of that in my eyes was Star Wars. The Jedi and the Sith were powerful people. I was old enough to realize that the Force did not work like it might in the real world, but I was also old enough to know that the Force must be based on real-world concepts. 

I quickly learned that there are names for it in many cultures: prana, ki, life force, energy. I also learned that there wasn’t a direct equivalent in Christianity because all power flowed from the divine at the divine’s whim. I wanted a force that I had control over and that bent to my own whims. 

That is why I began studying as a Sith when I was far, far too young to be dealing with it. I will delve deeper into my time studying as a Force Realist from 2004-2017, but for now I will leave it as a brief look into my history. 

In 2017, I began to step away from the Force Realist community. I believe I went to a gathering in 2017 or 18, but that was my last continuous contact for a while. In that time, I began to dedicate myself to Christian teachings again. I knew that I wasn’t interested in the drama and politics of the Force Realist world, but I also knew in the back of my heart that I did not belong with the Christians either. I forced myself into that hole to block out the feeling of emptiness that comes when you leave a religion. 

We need spirituality and community to be fulfilled as humans. I just chose one that would never work for me. God was always going to be a myth to me. And, as a head-type, I needed spirituality that I could ponder, figure out—a foolish endeavor, of course, and enact with tangible results. This led me to the Self-Help world. Atomic Habits—James Clear, War of Art—Steven Pressfield, How to Be Fine—Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg, Big Magic—Elizabeth Gilbert, Artist’s Way—Cameron, and The Art of Self-Confidence—Dr. Robert Anthony. This world gave me spirituality by way of self-improvement. The language is fanciful and exciting, like religious text; It’s also direct, actionable, and measurable. 

I had my spirituality, but I didn’t have community. 

When I found the Enneagram the first time, 2016ish, I correctly thought I was a Type 5. I was perpetually alone, shrinking from the world to protect myself from a lack of competence—exacerbated by my autistic and obsessive compulsive tendencies that kept me from making friends except for those I met online. I was not truly living. And so, I quickly moved on until I met my, now—IRL, best friend. She was interested in the Enneagram as a former Christian too. This relit the fire in me, and I had a little community to practice with. 

I was foolish, though. I was a new adult, post-College, living in the big city, and I was making my way. Because I was in a period of such novelty, I tested all over the chart. I got types 8, 4, and 3. 8 and 3 came up because I am a performer (singer, actor, entertainer, orator) and that comes with a lot of attention-seeking baggage as well as a sense of action. I also got 4 because, as an artist, who doesn’t have a few 4 points come up in quizzes. 

I decided my way forward, after moving home to Texas, would be to examine the types from another angle; I worked on them from the perspective of their core wounds. These are the reasons—forged in childhood—that we seek something to fill our emotional voids. A problem that we continually feed in search of completeness. 

Mine, as it turns out, is so simple that it comes down to one memory branded with fire on my soul.

When I was in second grade, I had been in tutoring because I was behind in language development. I was not reading at my grade level, even after being held back a year between Kindergarten and First Grade. But, second grade is when we first got grades. Letter grades. I brought home an All-A Report Card. I remember, so clearly, my mother leaning down, kissing me on the forehead, and telling me that I was an All-A Student—and I would remain that way. 

It was not a threat. It was a witch’s spell. A declaration. A truth. A maxim. A tenet of my being. A. A. A. A. A. Forever. 

So I spent the rest of my childhood chasing that validation. When I didn’t feel competent and like I knew more than my peers, I felt like a loser. I felt like my mother would not love me anymore. And, that was the scariest thing of all. I needed to know everything so that the world would never betray me. 

In April 2024, I took the Riso-Hudson TAS for Type 5, and I scored a 65. Any score between 60 and 75 is affirmation that you have a heavy bias toward being the type tested. I also took an instinctual variant test and I affirmed that I have a type 4 wing and a self-preservation subtype. Of these things I’m pretty much positive now. 

I have so much more to say, but I have to leave you for the moment. I will be back to explain more soon. I have a million words I want to write. 

—
I have returned after running my errands for the day. I wanted to dive deeper into my core identity as a Five and how I intend to do my “shadow work”—as it were—to progress into the fullness of my identity.

”Take the understanding of the East and the knowledge of the West—and then seek.” -Ivanovich Gurdjieff, credited with bringing the Enneagram symbol to the greater consciousness from the obscurity of ancient scrolls and such

So my current life dilemma, which is where all spiritual exploration should begin, is directional. What is my heading? How do I set my sails? My path changed during coronatide. I went from being primarily a performer who teaches to being a teacher who performs. While that may look like a thin distinction on the surface, the practicalities are vastly different. My mother would tell me that I am stuck in my comfort. I am too chill. Too set in my routine. As a Five, this is a compliment. I know my place, and I stay there, safe and secure in my obscure knowledge-field.

But I am coming to learn that I have to take action (my heart line to Type and not to my stress line of 7, where I am impulsively flittering about with no direction. Fives who are stressed tend to become addicts (hello!) and succumb to their useless projects. Pardon me for calling out myself so loudly that I had to take a walk…

My bible, the Wisdom of the Enneagram, leads me to these practices which will help me develop clarity, move into my heart of action [8], and reörient my career. First, I am to work on a quiet mind—not one ruled by impulsive jittering from one area to another. This can be accomplished in a multitude of ways, but I will tackle it from a classic meditation perspective. Second, I am to work on my embodiment—this is very easy for me because I already have a good exercise/movement practice. I walk daily, do light stretching every day, and do a full stretch routine three times per week. This is not an old habit of mine, but it is one that has developed quite nicely over the past months. Third, I will continue to reach out to community and spend quality time with my friends IRL. While I value my online communities so much, I am at the stage in life where I realize how important it is to have people with me, living life alongside me, and share in the physical aspects of relationships. So, I will add to my Discord/FB Messenger life! I have already been asking IRL friends to do things! It’s fun. Fourth, I am supposed to evaluate my projects by their application to my life. This may be hard to explain, but basically Fives have a tendency to do projects that will never be seen by others. Like… curating an extensive dung beetle collection. Or, documenting a text-based adventure video game from the 80s. I will continue to evaluate my projects based on their application to my musical life as a teacher and performer. Lastly, I am to risk feeling my grief. Fives minimize our emotions and intellectualize them away. This exercise requires a trusted person to witness our feelings and allow us to feel openly. I am not there yet… but, side note, I need to find a new therapist. 

So, these tasks above are the first in a long road of working on myself. I have been on this highway many times, but this time feels a little different. Like the shadows are starting to lift, and I can view a little bit further ahead. Blessings be to all! ~Let’s get her done.


Side Notes for me:

• Gurdjieff believed the symbol had significance. The Circle is the Divine, the Triangle is the Universe in Threes, the hexad is the symbol for change and development.

most discussion is happening in our Discord. It is active.

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While I just joined this place, your unanswered discussion point may explain the activity level here. It has been my experience in a number of spaces that once people see the sort of censorship you’ve highlighted, they will eventually stop communicating. Initially, the drop isn’t obvious as those who supported the censorship will keep posting. However, within a few weeks to a few months, discussion stops. I reason this happens because without an opposing force, people will stagnate. 

All in all, great discussion points.

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Is this place even still active? Seems rather quiet.

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I am probably way too late, (never mind of course lol) But welcome to this forum! <3

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Assignment 19
This assignment is added based on the updated Jedi Compass (2024). 

When we think of emotions that can lead us down the wrong path, we often think of “negative” emotions such as anger, hatred, upset and the like. But these are not the only emotions that can lead us away from being in Harmony with the Force. Choose a “positive” emotion and explore how letting it rule your actions can cause you to lose sight of either a Jedi Ethic or Jedi Value outlined within the Jedi Compass.

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Assignment 23This assignment is added to the curriculum as a result of the 2024 revision of the Jedi Compass.

Take the self-assessment below and rate yourself in each section. Looking over the section(s) you scored thelowest in, take some time to mediate and write down what you believe are the causes of your score being solow. Develop your own personalized self-care action plan based on each section of Mental Health Well-BeingSelf-Assessment you took in your last assignment. drive.google.com/file/d/14WIqwcD1hIrr5BOiaHziP8BTsaPV7blX/view

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Capstone Paper
Over the course of 7 classes you have explored the Jedi Compass and Jedi Code.  Each tenet is intended to work alongside each other and inform us of how to deal with life as a Jedi.  So for this paper you are going to be challenged to explain how the Jedi Compass and Code can be put into action in your personal life.
Think of a major decision you feel you were forced to make.  It doesn’t matter if you made the right choice at the time or the wrong one.  It just needs to be a difficult decision.  Looking back on it now, if you had the Jedi Compass and Jedi Code to help you decide what action to take, how would you have utilized the tenets within it?
Your paper should be a minimum of 7 Pages long in APA format (double-spaces, Times New Roman, 12pt, etc), not including title page or citation/bibliography pages (if any).

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Assignment 18
This assignment is added based on the updated Jedi Compass (2024). 

Compassion- A Jedi draws strength and wisdom through their connections made with others. Compassion is the root of connection, and thus is the essential string that connects us all to each other and to the rest of the world. Decisions and actions made by all Jedi should be guided by compassion toward friend and foe alike.Compassion is probably more difficult to accomplish than “Positive Regard”. While there are lines in the sand that need to be drawn, knowing how to compassionately approach those situations can be the difference between a person doubling down, and them growing from the experience.
After watching the video below, discuss what you learned about Compassion that you previously had not considered.

 www.youtube.com/watch?v=L35_dOaTb-Q&t&fbclid=IwAR0FjJ9hp_vFMXIyWgeVwjCIwHvWh6i9s-FBbAFetj9FYSymr-iAd5ByTQk

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Welcome back to the FA, Jeremiah. 
I can't say that I remember you but JP does seem familiar.  Regardless, make yourself at home we would love to hear how your path has developed over the years.

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Hey y'all  I'm  Jeremiah,
   I was a fixture around the old FA circa 2001-2005 amongst the shadows. Hung out in the chat a lot. Wondering if there might be anyone around who remembers me. I was always using my name Jeremiah Powers or JP, or maybe Darkaen on occasion. I've found my way back here with a clearer sense of my own path and I hope maybe I can make or remake connections here as well.

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